Emotional...

Lots of things have happened...

Hmm..let me go through them as systematically as I can think....

First up..I have not gotten over the homesickness part at all....I miss all of you so so much...

But maybe because I am facing so many problems now that I yearn for home so much more...

We have always been spoon-fed...being singaporean students...having lecture notes..telling you to study this study that...everything is so well-organized...so when I attended my lecture here..I was in for a HUGE MEGA shock...the thing is..im attending master courses in sweden...cos they are the only classes taught in English..so i dun really have much of a choice..Well..I have no idea what ALL my lecturers were talking about...apparently all my courses are based on engineering mathematics..something that I have no clue about...Also...ALL my other classmates have already graduated and are studying for their master degree...so I was like the little kid in class..needless to say..I was stumped..eyes open WIDE...JAW DROPPING as the seconds go by...after a few more of these lectures i decided to drop them after a long and careful decision...I was really upset..cos this would mean that I have fallen short of my AU requirement...After some pep talk...I decided to buck up and try the most basic master course...I felt optimistic...then...my heart fell when I could not understand what the lecturer was saying...somehow during the middle of the lecture...tears were rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably...freaking paiseh la...but the stress and burden upon me was too much for me to handle....went to the toilet to calm myself down...but so many things were in the small brain of mine...questions of HOW?? and WHY?? So now..I am probably taking about 12AUs...so I'll be deeply SCRE*ED when im back in spore for my final year...and a BLOO*Y fyp....DANG....Mooo year is not going well for me at all...not one bit...

I also received news that, exams here are AT LEAST 4hrs....and that no calculators will be allowed...My heart sanked when I heard this news....JOY without her CALCULATOR = DIE..My mental calculation sucks BIG TIME....I am not only slow when it comes to mental calculations but also quite inaccurate...oh am I in for some DEEP SHI*....

Sweden is not internationally friendly...EVERYTHING here is in swedish..haha...the mails my school sent me, the mails the bank sent me...instructions for me to pay rent, internet banking...EVERYTHING is in swedish...Well I spent a WHOLE GOOD 4HRS of my time yesterday to figure out how to pay my rent via internet banking...GRR...

Talking about swedish...YEP...my swedish lessons have started and boy am I in for some tongue twisting and maybe some tongue cramping...haha...argh....they even say their alphabets differently from english...Well all I can say is I will try my best...haha...cos..its not a Master Course..I can live with this...WooooT!!!

Well course literatures, books and compendiums are really expensive...sooooooooooo....my poor poor pocket have to suffer....my swedish course alone..I have to spend almost SGD$100 for all the books and compendiums and stuff...very CHOR...

The only good thing is that it has been snowing a whole lot...really nice and pretty....but somehow it doesnt really calm me down as I thought it would have...cos im now in a whirlwind full of problems...and I cant seem to solve them...But im glad to have great friends here..so Im not that alone...and God who gives me strength and wisdom and courage...though I lost my transportation card...Luckily it was that and not anything else...cos that was the cheapest thing I had on me...besides my file, pencil case and stuff...Losing it taught me to be ever so careful...Not that I was happy to lose it in the first place..but..you guys get where im going...

I wanna thank my parents for not being angry with me...and being so forgiving and loving towards me...I love you MUM & DAD...

While I am here, the person I miss most would be Jason...Life is difficult without him by my side...Being ME...I am not independant...I NEED friends...I NEED to feel that I am not alone...I NEED to be comforted...I NEED a listening ear...I NEED someone to make me laugh...I NEED someone to be with me during my difficult times...I know you will always be there for me...I know you always make the effort to wait for me...I know you sms me and blog just for me....and I appreciate it...Thanks!

Thanks for doing so many things for me...I really appreciate...and all these actions no matter how small means so so much to me...

I am sorry I need to rely on people at times...Im alone here...with no FAMILY...the friends that I made here are all I have...I am experiencing a difficult period right now...I hope you understand...Maybe you don't know the extent of how upset I am...how worried I am...how helpless I feel...I am sorry..but because of our huge time difference..sometimes...I really have no choice but to turn to someone else....but I always sms you first don't I?

I am sorry......

I have to be responsible for sooo many things...besides studying..which is already giving me a HEL* lot of problems...I need to be responsible for myself...I need to cook, pay rent, do the laundry, do alot of admin work, alot of cleaning to do, corridor duties, grocery shopping, etc....All these may seem simple for you...but trust me...its been really tough on me...especially when I am alone...everything is a first-time for me as well....Plus everything is in swedish...

I just want to let you know...EVERY single day...I rush back to talk to you after morning class and then when you sleep I go for my night classes....that is how mundane my life is now...but I find that seeing you gives me the strength to go on...and I do miss you alot...I miss lunches and sometimes dinner dates to talk to you...I don't mind eating biscuits and yoghurt or what not instead...just so long as I can see and talk to you...

You say you don't trust me...you tell me to proof to you that I can be trusted...I promise you I will be a more independant person...I will turn to God in my time of need..I will pray and ask him for guidance...and if it is of any comfort to you...all my guy friends here in sweden got really NICE, GOOD, CARING and REALLY PRETTY girlfriends...so you really need not worry...though sweden girls are really pretty...Im ABSOLUTELY sure I wont fall for any of them...AND you are probably the HANDSOME-EST among all my guy friends here and the BUFFEST!!!!!!!! so there is really nothing to be scared of my dear.....WOOT....My DEAR DEAR is soo HUAT!!!

This separation from you made me realise how important you are to me...It made me realise how much I love you...

Dear...I really love you so so much..and I am missing you all the way from stockholm...thinking about you most of my waking hours...whenever I feel down, whenever I meet with a problem...the first thing I think about is you...I keep thinking very hard what would you tell me to do....but I am not as smart as you...

Anyway...to end of with a lighter note...CNY is coming...I hope all you guys will have a smacking good time!!!